Its hard living through a life you think might fall down around you.
Im constantly missing things, wanting things i dont have, and mixing up everything i feel.
it's extremely frustrating to know that i can sit alone until 5am in the morning doing absolutely nothing, and do the same thing when other people are around.
I found myself reading old things,
that just made me miss when i was 16
and thinking about what i couldve done differently.
I wonder where I would be now if i did.
Its this constant shuffle in my mind I cant just stop.
maybe the only reason i am here, right now, in this exact spot,
is because im too afraid to do anything else with my life.
Im afraid to be alone.
but who isnt? so why am i having such a difficult time with excepting it?
sometimes loving what you've got just really isnt enough.
so why do people even use that expression? it's bullshit.
I am a liar. to others. and to myself.
I was the happiest in 2004.
im 22 years old now and I can only always think about being 16
and innocent love
and what that all meant to me and how it will never be the same again.
every love from then on out will be corrupted,
and i'll resent every guy for things they didnt do.
i sabotage my own relationships every chance i get.
and this time, i can recognize it's my fault and i'm still doing nothing to change it.
it's disgusting.
i miss you.
Im constantly missing things, wanting things i dont have, and mixing up everything i feel.
it's extremely frustrating to know that i can sit alone until 5am in the morning doing absolutely nothing, and do the same thing when other people are around.
I found myself reading old things,
that just made me miss when i was 16
and thinking about what i couldve done differently.
I wonder where I would be now if i did.
Its this constant shuffle in my mind I cant just stop.
maybe the only reason i am here, right now, in this exact spot,
is because im too afraid to do anything else with my life.
Im afraid to be alone.
but who isnt? so why am i having such a difficult time with excepting it?
sometimes loving what you've got just really isnt enough.
so why do people even use that expression? it's bullshit.
I am a liar. to others. and to myself.
I was the happiest in 2004.
im 22 years old now and I can only always think about being 16
and innocent love
and what that all meant to me and how it will never be the same again.
every love from then on out will be corrupted,
and i'll resent every guy for things they didnt do.
i sabotage my own relationships every chance i get.
and this time, i can recognize it's my fault and i'm still doing nothing to change it.
it's disgusting.
i miss you.
